Managed to get off work at a sane-enough hour yesterday and took a bus home. Travelling through Shenton Way at after-work hours meant passing droves of people dressed in business suits and work attire, most of whom wore the same expression on their faces -- like they had been sucked dry of all zest for life you know... or for some others it was relief at the end of the mundanity and the beginning of "life". Ha. "Life".. smoking, drinking, and other forms of "de-stressing". What? You grovel yourself through one day of work only to de-stress at night, and this is life for you? A Robot-human dance day in and day out?

This is not my life.

Don't get me wrong, I know these business people do great work and are crucial in maintaining the order of society as we know it (and very importantly, help provide the finances and stability for idealists like us haha!). But well, I've made a choice not to follow that staid path and be true to myself, and my calling. It's amazing where God can take one simple step of faith: baby steps towards a God-given destiny that is so exciting and too scary to even completely fathom!

Yet it would be a lie to say that life is perfect. For I am, still, only human. And even now God continues to break me, and through the tough times prepare me, as I look toward taking another step of faith. This time it will take me into an unfamiliar culture and to the end of life as I know it. It almost seems like God's built me up only to tear me down, bit by bit.. and it breaks me to leave such cherished things behind. But I know He is always here, He will take my hand, and He understands.. when it seems no one else can.

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere

Sigh. Onions make you cry eh. But only when they're broken apart.. it's so much easier to just keep hiding.

And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end